


Tackle Him!

by She_Devil666



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25834219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She_Devil666/pseuds/She_Devil666
Summary: Draco and Harry are out on a date, and their housemates are determined to stop anyone from interrupting.What do they do if someone tries?They tackle them.And when Voldemort appears on the scene, he arrives at a very strange sight.Set during fourth year.Drarry.Crack fic.May contain some things that don't make sense.Hidden, sexual jokes.Maybe some swearing?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 11
Kudos: 85





	Tackle Him!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 1 am on a school night. It's also up on Wattpad under the same username as I have here. Enjoy this strange fanfiction that people seem to like for some reason.

Draco was nervous.

Well, actually, nervous didn't explain it enough.

Draco was downright _terrified_.

Why? Because earlier that day, he had finally asked Harry Potter out in a date, and he had surprisingly said yes. Of course, it wasn't the least bit surprising to the rest of the school. It was honestly a miracle that no one said "just kiss already" while they were fighting.

He then spent three hours trying to pick out what to wear, and then another half and hour sitting in a chair watching his year-mates go through his stuff until they found something.

Once he had gotten dressed, he had stood frozen in nervous fear for about five minutes, before turning to leave, his friends cheering him on behind him.

However, the cheers died down once they saw who had just stepped inside their common room.

Professor McGonagall.

How she got in, no one knows. She was standing in front of him, lips in a thin line and face set in an iron mask.

Then, she spoke.

"You hurt Harry," she narrowed her eyes. "I hurt you. Student or not. Am I clear?" She asked, staring him straight in the eyes as she talked.

Draco, with wide eyes, nodded his head quickly. So quickly, it was surprising that he didn't get whiplash.

She then smiled, and left. She stopped at the doorway for a moment and looked back. "You might want to hurry. You might be late."

And with that she was gone.

Gulping in fear, Draco quickly hurried down to the front doors of the castle, where they agreed to meet.

The head of the Gryffindor house was _scary._

•~•

Blaise Zabini, Katie Bell, Hermione Granger and Daphne Greengrass stood in front of the sea of red and green, for once no one was fighting. They all had one goal in mind.

Do NOT let ANYONE interrupt the date.

They had all gathered in the Great Hall once Harry and Draco had left, and were waiting for instructions.

"All right!" Hermione yelled. "You all know the plan?"

Shouts of agreement were heard and echoed throughout the hall.

"Good!" Daphne yelled. "In case you forget; you mustn't let _anyone_ interrupt!"

Blaise swept his eyes over the crowd. "Any last minute questions?" He asked.

"What if it's Krum?" Someone yelled.

"Tackle him," Katie replied. "I don't care that he's a famous quidditch player, I don't care that he's probably bigger than most of us here. Tackle. Him."

"What about the rest of the school?" Someone else shouted.

"Tackle them. The Hufflepuffs, The Ravenclaws, any Slytherin or Gryffindor who's not in on this. Tackle them."

"What about professor Dumbledore?"

Katie narrowed her eyes at the person who yelled that out. "I. Don't. Care," she said. "If he's about to interrupt, tackle him."

As one, the army of snakes and lions nodded their heads, and shouted out one last thing.

"And what's the most important thing?" Hermione questioned.

"DON'T BE SEEN!" The animals roared out at the same time.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" The four at the front of the group shouted. "TACKLE EVERYONE, AND NEVER BE SEEN! LET'S GO!"

And with that, the reds and greens ran out the front doors towards Hogsmead, banding together for the first, and probably last, time.

•~•

Voldemort was ready. He had obtained a temporary body, one that would allow him to kill Harry Potter.

Calling to his Death Eaters, Voldemort grinned as the plan spun through his head. Once they all arrived, Voldemort looked at them all, then he gestured them to follow.

Spinning around, he walked forwards, robes billowing out behind him, as they all slow-walked dramatically towards Hogsmead.

"Sir?" A hesitant Lucius Malfoy questioned. "I know I shouldn't be asking, but wouldn't it be faster to just apparate?" He asked as they all continued to walk dramatically and slowly put the door, a strange black light shinning behind them.

"Hush," the Dark Lord hissed. "It's more fun this way. Don't rain on my parade, Malfoy."

•~•

Harry and Draco were having a great time.

They weren't sure what to do at first, but they just decided to walk into a bunch of stores and look around, before heading to The Three Broomsticks for a drink of Butterbeer before going back.

It was going well. They talked, laughed, and fooled around while walked from place to place. More than once though, they could've sworn they heard a loud thud, as well as a breathless grunt, before the near-silent sound of something being dragged away sounded.

They just shrugged it off though. They were used to weird things happening by now. And no one else seemed alarmed, so it must not be something to worry about.

Thy went to Zonko's, the Shrieking Shack, Honeydukes, and they even went to the tea shop most couples liked to go to on dates. They immediately left after taking one step inside, though. It was too cheesy and definitely _not_ their choice of date.

Sitting down in a booth in The Three Broomsticks, they talked about all sorts of things. From interests, to hobbies, favourites to least favourites, they enjoyed it all.

After an hour and a half, they finally got up to leave. Once they stepped out into the snow, they blinked at the strange tracks on the ground.

Up and down the streets of Hogsmead, there were footprints, all formed together like an army had stomped through. Along with the large, body-shaped marks of something being dragged through the village, it was a strange sight.

It also looked like an intense battle had taken place, and they were pretty sure there were a couple spots of blood in the snow.

When they heard those random sounds no one seemed worried about, they didn't expect this.

Strange thing was, that most of the dragging marks came from all the places they visited.

How weird.

They were about to be on their way until they heard many loud thumps, muffled shouts, multiple cracks and then silence.

They turned around, and the sight before them was quite the sight to behold.

•~•

The students of Gryffindor and Slytherin followed the pair throughout the village.

Somehow never being seen, even though they were a small army of generally noisy children.

They pushed and shoved each other to be the next person to tackle someone.

In Zonko's, a customer was about to approach the pair, presumably to ask a question, until Neville straight out _flattened_ the guy to the ground.

Hermione sent out a spell to muffle their fall into a soft thump, instead of a great bang. One of the older Slytherins also sent out a spell to quiet the scream of the man, before they attracted attention.

People stared, but thanks to compulsion charms, shrugged it off to be normal.

Angelina knocked him out with another spell, and four other students came forwards to half dragged and half carry him to the dumping point, just outside the village gates.

At the Shrieking Shack, Ron let out a war cry while tackling a couple who were about to ask for directions back to the village. The couple screamed bloody murder, while Hermione and older students of the two mixed houses sent charms ad spells to quiet the sound.

Older students worked together to cast a Delusion spell over all of them when Drarry looked over to the noise. They blended into the snow, and Ron knocked the young couple out, and started to drag them to the slowly growing pile of knocked out bodies with the help of Parvati, Alicia, Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, Gred and Forge.

At the tea shop, quite a few customers tried to talk to Harry, but one by one, they all got viciously football* tackled to the ground when they tried to follow after Drarry left. They were then dragged away by the vicious creatures the students of Hogwarts had become.

Across the village, people were hearing war cries, loud bangs, and terrified screams. Shaking their heads at the kids these days, they continued on with their business, muttering to themselves about stupid games children come up with.

If they only knew.

Meanwhile, the unconscious body pile was becoming quite big, almost thirty people had made it into the pile. The kids who dragged the next people over felt mildly bad for the person at the bottom.

But once they reminded themselves that they were trying to ruin the Drarry date, that remorse flew away faster than the snitch. They then proceeded to glare at the pile, and quickly run back to the rest of the small army that was made of more than half of Hogwarts.

A few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs who were friends with Harry, had joined in sometime between the Shrieking Shack and the tea shop. A few other students had joined too, just because tackling people looked fun.

A few Hogwarts students who had joined didn't get the memo of _not_ interrupting the date, and tried to go talk to them.

And thus, that is how many Hogwarts students met the pile of bodies. Even a few professors were in there. Professor Flitwick, Sprout, and Trelawny are a few examples.

Professors McGonagall, Snape, and Hooch had actually joined the students.

McGonagall went and flat-out gave a flying tackle to Hagrid when he tried to go say hi. The students knew not to get on her bad side before, but now they'd be _extra_ careful.

She just took down Hagrid in one hit. _No one_ had taken down Hagrid before.

Many Dumstrang students had joined in just for the sake of violence, but didn't notice the "don't talk to Drarry" vibe the rest of the kids were giving off, so many had tried to talk to the cute, gay pair over the time period in which they brutally got tackled and knocked out.

No one from Beauxbatons had joined, some had followed just to see what was going on, a few actually helping with some spells.

In Honeydukes, the amount of people who tried to talk to Harry passed all other locations. There were people flying left and right, with screams and groans ringing out from the pile of bodies in the middle of the store.

By the time they had knocked out everyone in the store, Drarry had left, and the knocked out people were being dragged to the pile, in on the plan or not. If they were unconscious, they got dragged and dumped.

They had actually gone to the Three Broomsticks beforehand to ask the matron if she could ban students except for Drarry from the pub for the day. She agreed, and now all the students stood in guard around the door, asking people why they wanted to go in.

If they said to see either Harry or Draco, they got tackled and knocked out. They hardly bothered with magic anymore. It was all brute force.

However, that all changed when the Dumstrang students arrived, demanding to see Harry. They were refused, and they pulled out their wands.

Narrowing their eyes, Hogwarts and Beauxbatons whipped their wands too, because sometime during the confusion, Beauxbatons had somehow joined in, and the Dumstrang students that had been helping has switched over to defend their own.

It was tense, it's was suspenseful, and it was quiet.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Spells went flying, hexes sprung up, charms were shot, and chaos erupted.

It was an all-out war.

Two schools against one.

Faces were temporarily disfigured, people had been transfigured into animals, someone had managed to sprout a pair of wings, and was aiming from above.

After an hour and a half of the long, bloody war, someone who had been looking through the windows screamed "THEY'RE COMING!" And everyone bolted.

Shouts of "RUN" and "MOVE" were heard, along with the stray "GET OUT  
OF MY WAY, BITCH" coming from one of the professors. While some were shocked they said that, most were just panicking to start hiding.

No one thought to just walk around and talk to people like in a normal trip to Hogsmead. They saw Harry and Draco walk out of the store, and released a collective sighed of relief.

Until they saw _him_ walking towards them.

Albus. Dumbledore.

They all locked eyes with each other, the Dumstrang and Beauxbatons students narrowing their eyes at the headmaster of the school they were staying at.

The professors who had joined them on their mission sat back and decided to let the kids deal with this one. They transfigured some rocks into chairs, then watched as the children went positively _wild_.

As one, they all started running, the teachers shooting spells out of their wands to silence their feet, and hide the rumble of the footsteps from the couple everyone bet on.

The students of all three schools growled as they ran, eyes locked on their target like a predator locks onto its prey. In this case, they _were_ the predators, and Dumbledore _was_ their prey

And then, they struck.

As one, they launched themselves in the air.

As one, they flew through the sky.

As one, they soared towards the man who dared try and foil their plans.

As one, they descended from the heavens.

And as one, they landed on Dumbledore one at a time, forcing him face down into the snow, ultimately knocking him out on impact.

He probably couldn't breathe under the pile, but he was Dumbledore, so they figured that he'd live.

At the same time as the thumps of their bodies hitting each other, multiple cracks filled the air and people appeared. But not just any people.

Death Eaters. And the Dark Lord himself.

Voldemort and his lackeys has finally arrived, and stopped their dramatic cloak-billowing.

•~•

"Er, sir?" Lucius asked.

"Yes? What is it?" Voldemort snapped back.

"Nothing, it's just..."

"Well? Spit it out!"

"Well, we've been waking for three and a half hours, and... well, we're only at the gates of the mansion."

There were murmurs of agreement behind him, yet Voldemort didn't stop waking.

"Shush. We'll make it."

"Master," Pettigrew started. "The sun will go down in a couple of ours. If we continue on like this, we'll only be half a mile from the gates."

Voldemort looked to the sky, and saw that, indeed, the sun would set soon.

He stopped.

The Death Eaters stopped.

He sighed.

The Death Eaters tensed.

"... fine. We'll apparate."

Sighs of relief, and complaints about aching feet and necks were heard. Meanwhile, the all-powerful Dark Lord was pouring with his arms crossed that his dramatic entrance had been ruined.

Maybe they should've started earlier... oh well...

"Oh, yes yes. I'm great for letting you apparate. Let's just go," Voldemort grumbled."

With smirks on their faces, the Death Eaters all apparated away, with Voldemort grumpily following right after.

•~•

The scene playing out in the middle of Hogsmead was quite something to behold.

Students of different houses and schools had just tackled one of _the_ most respected men is history, Drarry had just found out about more than half their school following them, and Voldemort and his followers had just appeared on scene.

Quite an interesting picture actually.

For a moment, it was silent.

Then the professors started to snicker, students started to groan, whine and moan about limbs in weird _positions_ for the owner, and in weird _places_ for the ones who's personal space they were intruding, the Crew of Thanatos Eating started laughing, and Drarry blinked in extreme confusion.

Dumbledore had landed facedown with his arms spread out in front of him, so all you could see of him was the tips of his shoes, his fingers, and his very long beard.

At some point during the laughter, people realized that their number one enemy was there, and started to sober up. Students untangled themselves, and Drarry just looks on.

For a while, they all just stared at each other. Then Voldemort let out a frustrated shriek as his body started to disappear, and Wormtail rushed  
to cover his new form with a spare cloak he had brought.

Weird, raspy grumbling came from the fabric, and the Death Eaters frowned. Turning back to look at Harry, then back to the bundle, they scowled and apparated away before anyone could do anything.

The students in ally managed to get out of the giant pile, and rolled the old Headmaster over. Examining him, the professors deemed him alive, so a few students drag-carried him over to the body pile.

He was still one of their victims after all.

•~•

Death Eaters were snickering at the memory of Dumbles being crushed in a massive dog pile, and the fact that Voldy had taken so long to get down to the gates, his temporary body had faded, and he was back to being an ugly baby-like thing.

You could hear him grumbling in his crib upstairs all the way down to the bottom floor.

It was quite amusing to hear.

•~•

"So... anyone want to tell us what that was all about?" Drarry questioned on the way back to the school.

Beauxbatons and Dumstrang didn't answer, as they didn't exactly know themselves, and Hogwarts just pressed their lips together, suddenly found the snow under their feet _very_ interesting, and started to speed walk back up to the school.

Draco and Harry looked at each other, shrugged, then started to follow the others.

Until they stopped dead.

Was that pile of bodies always there?

•~•

The students of Hogwarts, from the houses of Slytherin and Gryffindor were walking back to the school together, which was a rare, one-time thing.

"Sooo... is anyone _actually_ gonna tell them?"

They all stopped short, and slowly turned to stare at the person who asked the question.

Then they all looked at each other, and silently agreed that they needed to know.

"I think Ron and Hermione should do it."

"What? Why us?"

"You're his best friends!"

"But Blaise and Daphne started the idea!"

"Whoa, whoa! Don't go pointing fingers at us! One of the older grades can tell them!"

"Katie! You can tell them."

"No way! Alicia and Angelina can tell them!"

"Oh, no! Not us! Crabbe and Goyle can tell them!"

"No! Not us!"

"Make Pansy do it!"

"Why me? Millicent Bulstrode can tell them!"

"Oi! Just make Loony Lovegood tell them! She's friends with Harry? Right?"

"Yes, but I never had any part of this," Luna stated as she walked pat the bickering students who were blocking the bridge. How she got through is a secret only she possesses. "Why not make Ernie from Hufflepuff do it?"

"Oi! Don't go bringing me into this Luna! Make Cedric do it!"

"Me? Why me? I hardly know them! What about Padma and Paravti?"

"We aren't doing it! If you want twins to tell them, get the Weasleys to do it!"

"We won't!"

"Not our fault!"

"You should do it!"

"No I think _they_ should do it."

"Why me? Make that guy over there do it!"

"Ask Dumstrang to do it. They seem stupid enough to just go along with it."

"We are _not_ stupid! If you want stupid, ask the airheads of Beaux-whatever it's called to tell them."

"How insulting! We are most definitely _not_ airheads! Make that one over _there_ do it!"

"H-hey! No! Make Lavender do it!"

"Neville! I am _not_ going to tell them! Make _her_ do it!"

"What are we even arguing about again?" Alas, no one heard this one's question, as they were too busy screaming at each other for someone else to tell Drarry what had happened to answer.

**Author's Note:**

> *when I say football I mean american football. The football that has a brown, oval ball.
> 
> Some of that probably didn't make any sense, but whatever.
> 
> This took about and hour to write, and it's got about 3000 words.
> 
> But there we go.


End file.
